Friday, March 6, 2009

Decisions

For the last 24 hours I’ve been killing myself with the decision of whether to fly home to see my Grandpa before he passes away or if I should stay in Arkansas until he does pass.

Going sooner than later would be for totally selfish reasons, allowing me to say goodbye to him. Feeding my own selfishness, because (Grandma assures me) he wouldn’t know if I were there or not. To wait would mean that I have more time to spend helping out in any way that I can, as well as the time off from work to attend the services.

I’ve tried to help Heavenly Father’s schedule since mine happens to be booked solid with the Princess’s end of school tests, a dance performance at the Jr. High School pageant, and a mandatory parent meeting with the dance coach for next year’s dance team selection. I’ve tried to compromise, but I know that He knows what’s best and that I can deal with it. Nonetheless, all of this has made the decision making so difficult.

This man is one of my unsung heroes. He’s my mom’s dad, born and raised in Brooklyn, New York and one tough cookie. Noteworthy these days, he and Grandma have been married for 65 years. They made their life and home in Utah after his honorable discharge from the military in the 1940s. This must have been a hard decision since he and his mother had such a close bond.

I can’t imagine being far from home without the modern technology of the internet, long distance minutes on my cell phone, easy direct flights (getting more costly as the economy suffers) and UPS. Yes, the decision to stay in Utah during the 40s must have been a great sacrifice. He also liked the family lifestyle and the fly fishing.

The loss of his daughter (my mom) also marked the loss of his eye sight thirteen years ago and the loss of his independence as a result.

At the end of the day, my Hero called the airline to see if they have a bereavement discount for flights. He bought three tickets that can be booked, cancelled and rebooked anytime. With the trip purchased and a two hour phone conversation with Grandma, I’ve resolved to waiting until the inevitable comes to pass.

4 comments:

Faires Bears and Toads said...

Oh, my dear friend. My heart, love and prayers go out to you. I have been a situation similar to yours before and my soul just aches for you. Your grandpa will know how much you love him and will understand your decisions. Call me and we can chat. Losing my grandma nearly two years ago has been one of the hardest things that I have had to go through. I am here for you.

Tell your hero that he is a hero. What a stud you have married!

SalGal said...

Oh Katie, I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. My grandpa was ill for many years and each time I saw him I said "goodbye" in my own way, but then when he finally passed I found out that none of it mattered, I still wasn't ready.

Our prayers are with you and your family.

Lisa P. said...

What a tough decision. I'm sorry you're having to go through all of that while so far away. everything will turn out how it should.:)

Debbie said...

I am sorry you are going thru this. You have my thoughts and prayers with you and your family. If you need help with anything, I am here for you. Your grandpa knows you love him. I hope it works out for you to go, if that is what you want. God will find a way for you. I am so glad you have a good supportive hubby.